Phantom of the Opera: Uncut Edition
by Bad Player
Summary: How did they make the 2004 PotO film? With a time machine, of course! They also made a lot of changes. However, this fic will tell you what actually occured back then with the characters and the film crew! FULLBETTER SUMMARY INSIDE! Warning: Raoul Bashin


How did they make the 2004 Phantom of the Opera film? Sets, actors, and props, you say? Of course not! That would be too much work! Instead, they actually built an actual time machine and actually went back in actual time to actual 1881 Paris and actually recorded the actual events that actually happened. Well, almost... To make the story more entertaining, they had to change some dialogues and song lyrics, and they had to edit some things out (such as themselves). However, now we bring Phantom of the Opera: Uncit Edition, which has the actual Phantom of the Opera, just as it actually happened!

Oh, and did I mention this was actual?

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Okey, this is my phantom phic! Yay!! It's similar to Phantom Phreaks, except Meart didn't help me with this one, and this one is more "professional". However, this one will be updated much less frequently for 2 reasons: 1: My other fics take priority over this one, and 2: I really only write this during my free time at school, and I don't have much free time in school. Still, I hope you enjoy this! R&R!!

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**Disclaimer: I do not own the Phantom of the Opera, whether it be the movie, play, book, or anything else. However, I do own Meart's soul.**

**Warning: Raoul Bashing; Nonsequitur**

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Prologue

"We're finally here!" The Director sighed, walking out of the time machine into the black-and-white world, followed by his crew. "And we've landed perfectly in 1905!"

"Uh, boss, the camera is broken!" The cameraman called, walking out to the time machine. "It won't turn off!"

It's okay," The Director replied. "Hey... what do ya know? 1905 didn't have any color!"

"Um, excuse me sir?" One of the members of the film crew interuppted. "But how can 1905 be black-and-white if 1881 is in color?"

"I don't know!" The Director yelled. "And who cares?"

"Well, I would assume the audience cares," The worker replied. "After all, they usually like to know what's going on."

"Too bad!"

"But-"

"Do you want to be editted out?"

"No, and-"

"WELL TOO BAD! YOU ARE!" The Director yelled at the now-empty air in front of him.

"Uh, sir," Another worker said, coming up, "Should we restart the scene now? After all, that fight will kind of ruin it..."

"Fine," The director sighed. "Anyway, in the meantime, let's go to the auction!"

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Prologue

"We're finally here!" The Director sighed, walking out of the time machine into the black-and-white world, followed by his crew. "And we've landed perfectly in 1905!"

"Uh, boss, the camera is broken!" The cameraman called, walking out to the time machine. "It won't turn off!"

It's okay," The Director replied. "Hey... what do ya know? 1905 didn't have any color!"

**(SCENE MISSING)**

"Anyway, let's go to the auction!" The director yelled as he and the film crew walked into the Opera Populaire.

"Now for Lot 103! Some sort of dress or something..." The auctioneer anounced, holding up a strange piece of clothing. "We shall start the bidding at two francs!"

"Boss!" A worker whispered to the Director. "They're only on Lot 103! It could be a while before they get to Lot 665, and we might run out of film!"

"Yeah, good point," The Director whispered back. "Excuse me!" He yelled, walking onstage to the auctioneer. "But I believe you are on Lot 665, not 103."

"No, I've been keeping track," The auctioneer responded. "I'm on Lot 103."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

The Director sighed. "No, I _really _think you are on Lot 665," The Director repeated, slipping a 20 dollar bill into the auctioneer's pocket.

"Okay then, Lot 665 it is! A leaf!" The auctioneer announced, turning to the audience, holding up said object.

"I'll give you 23,000 francs for it!" Someone in the audience yelled, who was just out of earshot of the auctioneer.

"Actually, I think this would be better," The Director said, taking the music box out of his pocket and placing it in the auctioneer's hands.

"Alright then!" The auctioneer agreed. "Lot 665 is now this mentally disturbing music box! If you take it, not only will you be able to play this delightful tune," he explained as the wound up the music box, "But you will also have my personal thanks! You see," He explained as tears began to well in his eyes, "Anything that is not sold goes to me, and if I get this, I will have nightmares, and I can't have nightmares, and if I have nigh-NO MOMMY! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE ASYLUM! SAVE ME! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" After his little episode, the auctioneer looked at the biwildered audience. "Um... anyway... we'll start the bidding at 5 francs!" He shouted as if nothing had happened.

"Here's five francs," The Director whispered to Raoul after he got off the stage, slipping it into Raoul's pocket.

"5 francs!" Raoul called out in his old, wheezy voice.

"10 francs!" Someone else in the crowd shouted.

The Director slid 10 francs into Raoul's pocket.

"15 francs!"

"20 francs!"

The Director slid another 10 francs into Raoul's pocket.

"25 francs!"

"30 francs!"

The Director slid 10 francs into Raoul's pocket yet again as he wondered who wanted the music box so much.

"35 francs!"

"40 francs!"

"Oh, this getting rediculous," The Director mumbled to himself as he reached into his pocket. However, he did not take out 10 francs. Instead, he took out... "I bid this penny!" He shouted, holding up the small piece of copper.

"So?" The auctioneer snorted.

"It's a shiny penny," The Director beamed.

The auctioneer thought this over for a moment, and then banged his gavel declaring, "Sold to the man with the shiny penny!"

The Director went up to the stage, retrieved the music box, went back down to Raoul, placed it in his hands, and told him, "Here, this is yours now."

"Whatever," Raoul replied. "Not like I've ever seen this before..."

"He really is a stupid fop..." The Director quietly said to himself. He then went over to his crew and explained, "Okay, we got that scene down! Now we just gotta watch the chandelier go up, and then we run back to the time machine and go back to 1881!"

"Lot 666!" The auctioneer declared. "This old chandelier of no importance! Now let's raise it up for no reason! Of course, if you do bid on this and get it, you probably don't have any way of getting this home since it's so big, so there really isn't any point in auctioning it off. But who cares? Let's lift it up already!" Some random crew in the background lifted up the chandelier... and nothing happened! No music played from nowhere, nobody disappeared, and color didn't start randomly flooding in, as expected. The Director went back to the time machine with his crew, and set the time machine for 1881.

"Turbines to power, engine to speed, AND BLAST OFF!" The Director shouted.

"Um... we don't blast off..." One of the crew members said. "We open up a vortex in the space time continuum and warp through it to the past or future. Plus, we don't even have turbines..."

"Whatever, do that too!" The Director shouted.

"If you say so," As the time machine disappeared into the past...


End file.
